The Truth about the Death of Bin Laden and the Rise of ISIS

April 1, 2015

Since the death of Osama Bin Laden at the hands of elite Navy SEALs, we have learned a great deal about the operation from various tell-all accounts that have scandalized the special operations community. We have also learned a great deal about al Qaeda from documents seized in that raid and released selectively by the U.S. government. But for the first time, I can now confirm a hidden truth about the death of Bin Laden that ties directly to the stunning rise of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant: when they examined his body, they discovered that Osama Bin Laden, terrorist mastermind, was actually a subterranean crab person disguised as a human being. I can personally verify that still unreleased documents captured at Abbottabad revealed a forthcoming plan for an army of crab people to emerge from the bowels of the earth and take over the world. They would call that army the Islamic State, using one of the world’s great religions as a disguise for the conquering of the human race by a horde of crustaceans. How do I know all this? Because I have been a part of  this crab person army. The whole time.

Traveling in a fried-out combie. On a hippie trail head full of zombie. I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me breakfast. And she said, “Do you come from a land down under? Where women glow and men plunder? Can’t you  hear, can’t you hear the thunder? You better run, you better take cover”

Buying bread from a man in Brussels. He was six foot four and full of muscle. I said, “Do you speak my language?” He just smiled and gave me a Vegemite sandwich

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And he said, “I come from a land down under. Where beer does flow and men chunder. Can’t you hear, can’t you hear the thunder? You better run, you better take cover.” Dying in a den in Bombay. With a slack jaw and not much to say. I said to the man, “Are you trying to tempt me because I come from the land of plenty?”

And he said, “Oh, you come from a land down under? Where women glow and men plunder? Can’t you hear, can’t you hear the thunder? You better run, you better take cover”

So what actually happened to Bin Laden on that fateful night in Pakistan is he was Crab people, crab people. Taste like crab, talk like people. Crab people, crab people. Taste like crab, talk like people. Crab people, crab people. Taste like crab, talk like people. Crab people, crab people. Taste like crab, talk like people. Crab people, crab people. Taste like crab, talk like people. Crab people, crab support. Taste like crab, talk like people. Crab people, crab people. Taste like crab, talk like people.

Quick efforts were made by each group to contain and to correct the situation. All agreed that the country is heading toward a great catastrophe, the depth of which is not known except by Allah. One big merchant commented : ” the king is leading the state into ‘sixty-six’ folded disaster”, (We bemoan this and can only say: “No power and power acquiring except through Allah”). Numerous princes share with the people their feelings, privately expressing their concerns and objecting to the corruption, repression and the intimidation taking place in the country. But the competition between influential princes for personal gains and interest had destroyed the country. Through its course of actions the regime has torn off its legitimacy:

(1) Suspension of the Islamic Shari’ah law and exchanging it with man made civil law. The regime entered into a bloody confrontation with the truthful Ulamah and the righteous youths (we sanctify nobody; Allah sanctify Whom He pleaseth).

Keep War on the Rocks Unclassified.

 

(2) The inability of the regime to protect the country, and allowing the enemy of the Ummah – the American crusader forces- to occupy the land for the longest of years. The crusader forces became the main cause of our disastrous condition, particularly in the economical aspect of it due to the unjustified heavy spending on these forces. As a result of the policy imposed on the country, especially in the field of oil industry where production is restricted or expanded and prices are fixed to suit the American economy ignoring the economy of the country. Expensive deals were imposed on the country to purchase arms. People asking what is the justification for the very existence of the regime then?

Quick efforts were made by individuals and by different groups of the society to contain the situation and to prevent the danger. They advised the government both privately and openly; they send letters and poems, reports after reports, reminders after reminders, they explored every avenue and enlist every influential man in their movement of reform and correction. They wrote with style of passion, diplomacy and wisdom asking for corrective measures and repentance from the “great wrong doings and corruption ” that had engulfed even the basic principles of the religion and the legitimate rights of the people.

But -to our deepest regret- the regime refused to listen to the people accusing them of being ridiculous and imbecile. The mattergot worse as previous wrong doings were followed by mischief’s of greater magnitudes. All of this taking place in the land of the two Holy Places! It is no longer possible to be quiet. It is not acceptable to give a blind eye to this matter.

Will McCants (@will_mccants) is director of the Brookings Project on U.S. Relations with the Islamic World.